I really enjoyed Emily Tesh's Silver in the Wood and Drowned Country novellas, and so was excited to read this (very different) novel. In some ways this novel emits YA sf child warrior action dystopian vibes, but it's a lot heavier than I'd expect a YA book to be.
This is a book where aliens have destroyed earth, and there's a small space enclave of humans set on vengeance at all costs. But, the thrust of the story is that when the protagonist Kyr leaves this community, she discovers that these humans are largely a fascist cult, and this is extremely hard to swallow information for cult poster child Kyr, still set on vengeance for humanity.
It's a book about deprogramming from propaganda and the narratives you've grown up with. It's a book about burying queer feelings in unsafe environments even from yourself. Unsurprisingly, it's also a book with (at times) unlikeable main characters who do some awful things at every scale.
(I will also repeat the book's own content warnings here which are: "contains sexist, homophobic, transphobic, racist, and ableist attitudes; sexual assault, including discussion of forced pregnancy; violence; child abuse; radicalization as child abuse; genocide; suicidal ideation; and suicide". I really appreciate the trend of books providing their own content warnings these days!! It is nice to not be surprised by these things!)
It's always hard in any story to not to be sympathetic with the main character, but I think you need extend quite a bit of trust towards the author for the first part of the book. Moreover, I also wonder if your excitement about this book will likely parallel your desire to hear this sort of "white person unlearning shitty childhood beliefs" story. I personally think it's a pretty believable arc, especially because this book is more of an "unlearning" story than a "redemption for past actions" story. So, I mention all this not as an insult to the book, but rather a conditional on any recommendation.
(I don't know where else to put this thought but it's an extension of the above conditional and also a content warning of sorts; there's a scene at the end with Kyr and Yiso, an alien that Kyr has been xenophobic at and has misgendered for most of the book. They're having a poignant moment, and in that moment out of nowhere, Kyr asks to touch Yiso's alien hair-equivalent? This is incredibly creepy?? I'm sorry??? It's just that in a book dealing with being less space racist maybe a "touching" hair-touching scene could have gotten a second look. They already had an awkward hug scene earlier that would have made way more sense to revisit here!)
Finally, to put a few spoilery thoughts in a vague way, I did not at all expect the plot of the book to go the way it did. I appreciated the way the turn of the book provides Kyr with some much needed perspective that would have felt like implausible personal growth otherwise. I also appreciate the plot structure revisiting the events of the beginning of the book with a different perspective. It was a nice echo, especially with a character who begins the book herself obsessed with replaying past historical military events in VR.